Kids and Chores

According to researchers, our children are more dependent and needy than any previous generation of Americans. They are developing attitudes of entitlement and expectation, rather than habits of self-reliance and independence. As they grow, too many young people want the privileges of adulthood — freedom and resources to make their own decisions — but not the responsibility that goes with it.

Why is this? One theory is that kids no longer are required to do household chores. By living as the privileged class in their own homes, kids today grow to expect that things will be done for them, and that they are entitled to be coddled and indulged.

Giving our kids an “ideal” childhood

Some parents look back on their own childhoods believing that they had it rough, and decide they want an easier life for their children than they themselves experienced. Their attitude about chores for kids is, “I don’t want my child to have to work as hard as I did.”

Other parents believe chores are good for kids, but don’t have enough authority in the home to get their children to cooperate. Getting kids to do chores becomes one more battle that they’d prefer not to wage, and besides, who wants sloppily folded laundry? Easier and faster to simply do it themselves.

Still others have their kids so over-programmed in activities, sports, lessons, and enrichment programs that there’s literally no time to rake leaves or empty the dishwasher. Adding to the packed schedule that parents themselves create would be unreasonable.

Unfortunately, while these are all good reasons for not requiring kids to do regular chores, they’re poor excuses. And they’re robbing children of one of the most important avenues of becoming independent.

Among the benefits of chores, experts say they teach children to work cooperatively in a family system, which translates into being better employees. They also teach kids to care for themselves, solve problems, manage their time, take responsibility, and they promote positive self esteem (think, “I did it all by myself!”)

We’ve come a long way from our agrarian roots, when families had lots of children precisely so they’d have more help around the farm! Most of us don’t have to worry that the chores we require of our children will put them at risk of injury, or wear them out before the school day begins. (Though most American farm kids are still working as hard as they ever did!)

Our modern age means we have fewer and easier tasks to keep our households running smoothly, and many that are suitable for small and helpful hands.

If you find yourself feeling more like a servant than a parent, or if you ask your 10-year-old to put the garbage out and he asks, “Out where?” or if your teenaged daughter can drive to the mall but claims not to know how to make a run to the grocery store, it’s time to recommit to sharing the wealth of benefits that can only be gained by doing chores. Check out the links below for ideas on how to do this.

Not to mention, when the housework is done by everyone and not just you, there’ll be time for the whole family to relax a little!

by Marybeth Hicks of Family Matters

 

	Why children need more chores Read More		5 reasons why kids need chores  Read More
	Age-appropriate chores for children  Read More		Let them tend cows  Read More

Bringing Up Bébé | Vive’ la France!

Vive’ la France!

Last year, a Chinese-American Tiger Mother told American parents how to raise children who will make straight A’s and play Carnegie Hall before they reach puberty.

This year, the French are showing us how to raise children who will obey, throw few if any tantrums, and sit quietly in restaurants, listening while adults talk about adult things. Vive’ la France!

In a nutshell, French parents do such “revolutionary” things as establish early boundaries between themselves and their children, teach them proper manners, expect them to entertain themselves, and make it perfectly clear that they are not to interrupt adult conversations, and set clear limits. In addition, they are not reluctant to deny their children’s requests, and when they correct their kids, they speak with conviction. I conclude that my parents were French. All my friend’s parents were French as well, it seems.

Pamela Druckerman, the author of “Bringing Up Bebe,” one of the year’s most talked-about books (to date), is too young to realize that her description of French parenting is also a description of the manner in which American children were raised prior to the psychological parenting revolution of the late 1960s and early 1970s—before, that is, experts (of which I am considered one) came along and ruined everything. In that regard, it is significant to note that French parents, as a rule, do not read parenting books. Instead, they honor the parenting traditions established generations ago by their foremothers and forefathers.

As a consequence, raising a child in 2012 France is no more of a hassle than was raising a child in 1912 France…or before. For more than 30 years, I have been trying to persuade America’s parents to restore pre-1960s parenting in their homes—that being the time when chores were a child’s number one after-school activity, television was a “boob tube” only to be watched if the weather did not permit outside play, parents did not help with homework (and kids did better in school than today’s kids), and children did what they were told simply because that was the clear expectation.

The most oft-voiced retort: “But John! Times have changed!”

To which I point out that times have always changed, but parenting did not—not until experts said it should, that is (they had new ideas!).

Contrary to what American parents have been led to believe, effective parenting is not comprised of a set of “right” methods (which can only be learned by reading the experts). It is an attitude, a way of presenting oneself to one’s children. If the attitude isn’t there, then no method will work for long. Furthermore, when it is there, methods will be virtually unnecessary.

This attitude communicates to a child: “I know what I am doing (I do not need, for example, to consult with you to determine foods will be on your plate at the evening meal); I know why I am doing it (for YOUR benefit, not mine); I know what I expect from you; and I know you are going to give me what I expect.” This attitude conveys unconditional love and, equally, unequivocal authority.

Anxiety, worry, guilt, rushing from one “commitment” to another: none of that conveys authority. Cool, calm, collected: that conveys authority. Pleading, bribing, threatening, yelling: nope. An economy of words, clearly spoken: yep.

From Ms. Druckerman’s description, it sounds like the typical French parent has an intuitive understanding of this “attitude thing.”But make no mistake: the French did not invent this. They have simply reminded us of the way it was and still can be.

Now, if they would only build a decent car.

.by John Rosemond

Continued on rosemond.com

http://www.rosemond.com/johns-columns/february-columns/